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Existential crisis: how long COVID patients helped us understand what it’s like to lose your sense of identity and purpose in life

Lucy* used to be known fondly as the “iron lady” by colleagues at work. In her mid-50s and still the main breadwinner for her family, she had always thought of herself as strong, energetic, and indestructible – but not any more.

Since contracting COVID in March 2020, Lucy told us she had been struggling with relentless fatigue, joint pain, breathlessness, brain fog and sensory dysfunction. But worse than any single symptom is how this leaves her feeling about her own identity. She said she found herself unrecognisable, a shadow of the person she used to be:

This isn’t who I am – I don’t recognise myself. I panic if I get on the Tube and there’s no seat. It’s a very strange feeling, like not being in your own body. My fear is I’ll never really get better, and that I’m always going to be at 70% of my former self.